Howl
by Paper Pearls
Summary: Remus struggles to balance the wolf and the man and cannot find anything in the present to make him stop longing for the past. Luna brings him clarity. One shot.


**The first time I heard this song I thought of Remus and Luna. It isn't a songfic as such, but it is inspired by "Howl".**

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"_A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night  
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright."_

_-Florence + the Machine, 'Howl'_

It was late enough that even the most devoted members of the Order of the Phoenix had retired to bed for the night, but Remus knew that the haunted look of exhaustion behind every single eye would not be banished by a night of sleep, no matter how peaceful. The conflict with Voldemort was escalating at a pace that chilled him to the bone. Here in the darkness of the kitchen, with nothing but the quiet creaks of the ancient house for company, it was easiest to recall them; Sirius, with unparalleled charisma and the bravery of a lion, James, equally brave and always ready to laugh. It was best not to dwell upon Peter, he found. Their friendship had been his salvation, and now that it was gone he could only fight for their ghosts. There wasn't a shadow of doubt that were their roles reversed, Padfoot and Prongs would give everything they could to the cause and more.

_It should have been him instead._

Both of his friends would have berated him for such self indulgence, but neither had understood that even in death they were more than he could be in life. The monster lurking beneath his surface was a demon that Remus knew he could never outrun. He stood, made claustrophobic by the silence in the small room, and allowed his feet to move one in front of the other. His heightened senses made the journey an easy one, and it was with almost supernatural grace that Remus climbed the stairs that led to the roof of 10 Grimmauld Place, taking care to avoid those that he knew instinctively would groan under even the slightest pressure.

As it had been the last time he had visited the most peaceful part of the property, the knowledge of fresh air and an unobstructed view of the moon appealed to both the man and the beast, but the key wasn't in the lock and the peeling wooden door was ajar. Remus pushed it open, catching the scent of fruits as well as something familiar that he could not place. His investigation ceased to be important as he caught sight of the moon, almost full, and rounded like a ripe fruit. Averting his gaze was impossible as every muscle in his body pulsed with energy.

The longing for more natural surroundings to replace the synthetic landscape of the city nearly overpowered Remus as he crossed the roof and grasped the guard rail, tuning out the neon glow of muggle street lights to better focus on the moon. He stood still for several moments, his suppressed desire for the animal to surface heightening the ache in his chest. It felt as though the moon sought to soothe him when a gentle breeze brushed back errant strands of hair from his face, but his reverie was broken as the scent of fruit once again reached his nose. Turning on his heel, Remus was surprised to catch sight of what he first took to be a luminescent nymph with flowing blonde hair and a white dress that glowed in the moonlight. Her feet were bare, suggesting that she was out of place in the middle of a city and more suited to a woodland glade. She tilted her head in a way that let Remus know that she was aware of his scrutiny and it was then that he realised that it was Luna Lovegood standing before him in a nightgown.

"Good evening Miss Lovegood." All possible combinations of words vanished from his mouth when she met his gaze, her blue eyes utterly enigmatic. Remus swallowed, aware suddenly of how dry his throat felt.

"Oh, hello." She smiled suddenly as though something had become clear to her, and the expression softened her fey features, making her somehow more real to him.

"You must be terribly cold out here." Even in his tailored robes, Remus felt the night air, and in her flimsy attire Miss Lovegood most certainly wouldn't be suitably protected from it. He attempted to make his tone encouraging, adopting the same patience that he had used when addressing unicorns. "Why not go back inside?"

"To what end? How much longer will we be free to do this- to be in the open, safe from harm, and just enjoy what the world has to offer?" There was something almost frantic about her words, Remus noted. He could think of no words of comfort to could offer that she wouldn't see through, with her eyes as old as time itself.

"I don't know, Luna. I don't know." He looked away from her, unable to tolerate the notion that Luna Lovegood knew exactly what he thought and felt about himself and the rest of the world. It was deeply unsettling.

"Harry can do this. He's.... so human. He loves so much, and there is a.... a strength to him that arises when what matters to him is threatened." Luna's voice lacked the strained quality that so many others used when describing the young man upon whom the fate of the wizarding world rested. Her evaluation was genuine, and Remus took comfort in her insightful words. "There's the same strength in you too, you know." Raising a hand as pale and cool as marble, Luna cupped the side of his cheek, stroking her thumb across his skin in a light repetitive motion.

"Luna..." He knew it was inappropriate- he had been her teacher once- but this small contact between them made Remus feel like the man that was in danger of being eclipsed by the moon. The human level of self awareness returned to him enough that Remus recovered his senses and lifted his hand to grasp Luna's. As soon as their skin met Remus felt a jolt as though he had been electrocuted, and the subtle widening of her eyes told him that Luna had experienced it too. Nothing could have enticed him to drop her hand.

"You know it's true, Remus." With a gentleness that he had never known, Luna leant forward and bridged the gap between their mouths, wrapping her arms loosely around his waist. It felt utterly right to him. Despite the growing urge to pull her against him, Remus broke the kiss. Unperturbed, Luna traced a finger across her swollen lips and watched him for several seconds. He cleared his throat and stuck both hands into his pockets, but Luna didn't seem to object.

"I'm sorry." As soon as the words had left his mouth, Remus knew that there had been no conviction behind them.

"I haven't felt this alive since...." Luna trailed off, and for the first time he could recall, Remus saw unease change her body language. One of her birdlike shoulders sloped downwards and he couldn't help but give a second glance as the strap of her gown dropped from its place. She was referring, he knew, to her captivity by Death Eaters. When she and Ollivander had first been recovered, Molly Weasley and others had practically smothered Luna with their care and attention, but still she had not spoken of the trials she had faced. Eventually more pressing matters had arisen and their focus had left the enchanting young witch. Against his better judgement, Remus tilted her chin upwards so that she was forced to meet his gaze. Her skin was soft to touch.

"Tell me." He watched with studied detachment as her brow creased into a slight frown. Without warning her demeanour reverted to her usual relaxed state.

"It's gone. I don't have any of it left to speak of." If anyone else had said such a thing after facing the same trauma then Remus would not have believed them, but there wasn't a hint of deception in Luna's serene countenance and she most certainly wasn't _anyone_. There was more fortitude in her slight frame than he could have imagined, but the urge to shield her from the world's wrongs arose in him nonetheless. Remus clasped her to him without warning, trying to infuse some of his warmth in her. If Luna was aware of the innocuous nature of their current position then she gave no indication, leaning against him with perfect ease. It took every ounce of self control for Remus to suppress the thought that he didn't want to let go of her.

"No, perhaps not." Remus toyed with strands of her hair, marvelling over the way it glowed in the lunar light. He tried not to jerk as her eyelashes tickled his neck. "Are you tired?"

"No." Luna sighed deeply, toying with the lapel of his outer robe.

"All the same, you should rest. There is much to be done tomorrow, and Molly would have my head if she knew that I was keeping you up." The material of her gown was gossamer thin, and Remus felt as though the hand on the small of her back would burn. He didn't know if continuing to hold Luna or releasing her would be the better option.

"You're right. We should sleep." Luna stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, blushing slightly, and with a quiet determination renewed their previous embrace. Remus couldn't help but be passionate with her; he had never met a woman quite like Luna and she was tempting in every way to him. He trailed several kisses down her jaw line, pausing to lick at her neck before softly biting into the perfect skin. She gasped audibly.

"Come to bed with me, Luna." After a moment he realised exactly what he had asked of the eccentric young witch before him, and horror ran through his veins. By some intuition that only she had been gifted with, Luna knew exactly what he felt and traced her fingers up and down the length of his spine in order to soothe him. His tongue that had so recently slid inside her warm mouth was tied, and Remus was clueless as to how to try and repair the damage he had done. _What had gotten into him?_

"Yes." There were many contradictions behind her darkened eyes; boldness and shyness, self possession and modesty, excitement and calmness. He didn't resist as Luna took his hand and led him down the stairway, her footsteps almost soundless. However Luna lacked the superior vision that his lycanthropy provided him with, and soon Remus found that he was leading her past the domestic obstacles of headquarters and into his bedroom. He stopped at the doorway and turned to read her expression. Luna smiled coyly before squeezing past him and sitting on the bed.

Remus couldn't lock the door quickly enough and fumbled slightly in his haste, evoking a quite giggle from his companion. He covered the distance between them in two long strides and pressed Luna's willowy body back into the soft mattress, resuming the frenzied exchange of kisses that had quickened his heartbeat. In short order they had dispensed of their clothing, and when Remus saw her bathed in the moonlight he knew he would never witness a more beautiful sight.

"You're gorgeous." Remus watched with concern as her eyes flitted about the room. She moved as though to cover herself but thought better of it.

"Remus, you have a knack for saying the strangest things." They both laughed as quietly as they could manage, realising simultaneously the irony of her words. Any tension between them dissipated.

"It's true." He caressed her bare skin in ways that caused Luna to arch underneath him, whispering endearments that he could only half make out over the roar of blood in his ears. "I promise that I'll be gentle with you."

And Remus was gentle with her, yet the animal strength of his passion was sated. Afterwards Remus rolled from on top of her, once again holding her in his arms. He watched with fascination as sleep washed over Luna's features before drifting into a pleasurable post coital sleep.

When he next opened his eyes, Remus was greeted with the sight of Luna sat up, a sheet wrapped loosely around herself, watching the sunrise. He never had gotten around to drawing the curtains, and now he was glad of it. Luna was ethereal in the moonlight, and glorious in the daylight. She turned and smiled at Remus in a way that warmed his heart.

"What happens now?" Luna watched him expectantly, head tilted slightly in thought.

"Whatever you would like to happen, I suppose." There was no way that he could expect her to remain. The social repercussions of being intimately associated with a werewolf were such that he wouldn't wish the stigma on his worst enemy. Luna would know this and there was no sense in being so needlessly cruel as to force her to voice her reservations before making an awkward departure. He allowed himself a final acknowledgement of what they had done together and combed his fingers through her rumpled mane of hair. Luna wriggled back underneath the covers and rolled onto her side so that she faced him.

"Can I- would you like me to stay?" Luna toyed with the duvet anxiously, leaving him reeling. Her behaviour was utterly unpredictable. It was laughable to Remus that she even had to ask if he wanted to keep her- of course he did.

"I appreciate the sentiment, Luna, but you are in no way obliged to... demean yourself in the eyes of the magical community." He squeezed her fingers before lying on his back and staring determinedly upwards at the canopy above the bed. There was a squeak of springs as Luna sat up and leant over him, a curtain of blonde hair falling away from where she had tucked it behind her ear.

"Do you think anybody cares about what we do? People are vanishing every day and made to go through things you can't even begin to imagine. This shouldn't be significant to anyone other than us." Luna looked at him in a way that he couldn't decipher, continuing with her reasoning. "And even if they did, Remus, even if people were so narrow minded that they had a problem, I couldn't care less. That isn't what's important. I'm free now, and I want to live my life the way that feels right."

"Oh Luna.... you're more of a temptation than you realise, but I care about you too much to have you harmed on my behalf." Remus took her face in his hands, willing her to understand how precious she was.

"That's why we fight: for what we care about. If there's nothing to do this for then he's won already." Luna kissed him chastely before stepping out of the bed. She rifled through a folded pile of clothing he was yet to put away and shrugged a shirt over her head. It was so big on her that it reached her knees. "Think about what I've said." The door clicked and she was gone, a sad smile around her mouth.

Remus sighed and looked at the dent in the bedding where she had lain. There was nothing he would rather have. How could he _ever _have questioned it? James would be calling him a bloody idiot, and Sirius would be telling him to throw caution to the wind and run after her. But making a scene was no way to begin a relationship. He washed and dressed as quickly as possible before making his way along the corridor to the room he knew to be Luna's and knocked twice.

"You're right. You're right about everything." He kissed her before the door was fully open, aware of how he had missed her during their brief separation. There was no way he could throw this away. She was dressed in a pair of muggle jeans and the pastel blue shirt she had borrowed from him, a pair of muggle marbles as earrings. "Let me make you breakfast." Luna nodded and followed him down the staircases.

Arthur Weasley was already deep in discussion with Kingsley when they arrived in the kitchen, the blueprints for unidentifiable buildings spread between them. Neither wizard ceased their planning as Remus drew out a chair for Luna. As he made her toast and a pot of the peppermint tea he knew that she favoured, Remus could feel her eyes on him.

"Thank you Remus." Luna spread the toast for them both and they ate in companionable silence, wishing to let the Weasley patriarch work with Kingsley in silence. Not long after they had started, an unbalanced gait announced the arrival of Mad Eye Moody. He stared at the table with unusual intensity and it dawned on Remus that the old auror could see the close proximity between him and Luna. She waved in a spritely fashion before continuing her morning meal, and Moody barked a laugh in response. He clapped Remus on the shoulder on his way into the kitchen in a way that made the younger man feel certain that his cheeks had gone slightly red. Luna grasped his hand and nestled against his side for the briefest of moments, but even after she pulled away Remus knew that he would keep her with him.

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**Thanks for reading. Please review.**


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